been a while

I worked a whole 1.5 hours today and strange as it may sound...it was a good day!. There were people decent enough to take care of the bills and go on living. I was all geared up for a fight but never was met with one. Its almost like I was left hanging...

There were of course the stupid asses that think it is ok not to pay because once upon a time they were good customers... fuck the history... pay me now. how is this hard to understand.

Strange. That is all I can say about today. Nothing exciting in the way of people being fuckers happened. Nothing nice happened either.

Since Monday I have been in a personal state of mind. There are some things going on right now that trump my needing to be a top collector.

I did finally hear a new excuse today tho.....

A lady and her son were both late and neither of them could pay because if they left the house they would surely get "swine flu" and die.

When asked if they were able to do a debit card or check payment over the phone or on line they acted like I was being too pushy and gave rude remarks toward my customer service skills.

To that I replied that I don't know what customer service is because I am not here to make you happy and if you want fries with that load of shit. I am here to get dumb asses like the swine flu cowards to pay their fucking bill. The customer is always right, Fuck that. The customer is only right if I say they are fucking right.

wow, how stupid are you? I can understand opening an account then losing your job within a month or so but to start up a new loan when you have been out of work for the last 6-11 months is just ridiculous.

I talked to 5, yes i said 5 people that opened loans in the past6 months but have been out of work for at least 6 months before the loan was open! This lady tells me,

"I already said I was out of work"

yeah she did, but only after the collection calls started, not on her application for credit where she verified she did have income and was able and willing to make payments. She flat out lied on the app, then admitted to being a liar, then said it was my fault she didn't read the papers before using "my" money on fake fingernails and burritos.

The other 5 were basically the same with the exception of one guy who did what he did to pay for household expenses to keep his family alive. He had a plan. He got the loan, paid the bills he was behind on (lights, gas,phone, water, etc) then the next month he defered a house and car payment and paid the debt off to me and closed out the line of credit. Now he is back on track.

one out of 5?? Only 20% of people that lie about having income then being stupid with their money actually have a plan?

These 5 were out of 10 people I actually talked to. 1 person forgot to make payment. 3 were due to medical and will "allegedly" make it up next month, and 1 was someone that didn't understand that monthly payments meant to pay every month.

2 out of 10 make a payment? again 20% of people are willing to keep a promise.

I made contact with 30 primary people today. This means that I verbally spoke to the number one person on the account and they verified that it was indeed them.
5 were the ones not working for 6-11 mo.
5 were the ones that actually had excesses no matter how flimsy
20 either hung up as soon as they found out who I was or screamed at me first then hung up. Either way they weren't even creative enough to stay on the line.

2 of 30 people able and willing to make payment.

6.66% of people that were not total deadbeats.

that's embarrassing.

"Fuck You. I already tried to talk to you fuckers and the last person was a fucking dick so as far as I'm concerned you can fucking die."

hmmm. I think to my self. If I didn't like the chalenge of dealing with pissy people I probably would be a dick too, then the next dick to get the call would have to hear the same shit over and over. All bill collectors are clumped into one group and are discriminated against. Just because there is someone out there who owes enough money to have to be called everyday from God knows how many companies dosent mean that the same bill collector is calling all the time. Its a lot of times going to be a different person.

"Well why can't you people put notes on your computer"

Number 1, I don't feel obligated to put notes on YOUR account if you won't even make a payment on YOUR account. Number 2, If you answer the phone with a big Fuck You every day don't expect any one to bend over backwards to insure your broke ass isn't bothered on a daily basis. I'm not your friend. I don't even like you but remember I am doing my job and I will treat you with only the same amount of respect as you can muster up for me.

"I already said I was going to pay you. What more do you want from me?"

Nice. You asked a question so I'm going to try to answer it in really easy to follow sentances....
Answer a couple questions. Don't hang up. That is all I need.

"CLICK"

Really? This same guy is going to be called every day till we get the answers we need and just for the record, 'I'm paying' is not going to stop a call. You need to answer my questions if you want to calls to stop. If you don't care how many times I call, DON'T BITCH ABOUT IT!

Lets assume this guy decides he wants to be a dick and fuck around on the phone instead of hanging up. This is actually a good thing cause at least now while he is getting off on how hot I sound or picking his nose or what the fuck ever else might be going on, I have time to throw my questions out there. Payment sent. This is established. check or money order? how much? what day?

Thats all I need. Now he really feels like a retard. All this time avoiding calls and being a fucker and waisting your valuable job hunting time could have been cleared up in under a minute. Now he has questions for me because at this point after they find that you have what you need they are really talkative. How much more? How does this help me? etc. This man has used all the time I feel I want to give since he was an utter fcuker just seconds before so to be really clear to this obviously bright (not so much) person, I say ...

well you know, I have all your information updated and you sounded like you were in a HUGE hurry so thank you and please let us know if you have any questions


CLICK!

Then I giggle only because if I can't laugh at what I do and enjoy it a little, why do it.

It amazes me to think of the number of adults that are out there acting like kids. As a grown man or woman you are responsible for yourself and your actions and making pig noises into a phone is just fucking retarded.

Lets say you let me borrow your car. I don't like your car because it is a ford and has puke green interior so I drive where I need to go then leave your car with a homeless man who go God only knows where with it. Now you want your car back. You call me. I make pig noises at you. See what I'm saying. It's retarded, you are retarded.

You say you let me borrow the car on my word that you would get it back. I tell you it's your fault for letting me borrow a piece of shit like that. You tell me I would have had to walk and that POS was a favor to me. I tell you to kiss my ass and not to be so stupid.........

This is what people as a whole don't seem to understand.

If you borrow something. GIVE IT BACK!

Don't be a retard.

Here is a lighter side to what I do. The thanks I receive after truly helping someone. There is an amazing sense of sadness that I feel for some of these people. There are those out there who can't pay their bills due to a medical reason or a death of a spouse. My example for today was a younger woman in her early thirty's who was late due to her husband being in the hospital. She didn't work and was a stay at home mother of 3 kids. Her husband was the one who had acquired the debt and when things first started to get out of hand he wanted nothing to do with the company I'm with.

He was obviously sick but rather than try to find the light at the end of the tunnel, he would yell and scream and get all worked up and hang up. What he had was not going to kill him ,as we later found out from the wife, but to him that was supposed to be the ultimate answer for getting out of his bills.

I get the call. The wife answers and tells me the story of the husband going to the hospital for surgery and that he should be out within a couple days and to call back. She went on to say she didn't give a fuck about the bills and they can recover a charge off later and on and on and on....... I tell her that I would love to try back but wondered if I could just run thru some stuff that I'm required to say. she agreed to listen. Now I lied, I shouldn't have, but i did. I'm not required to read offers to any one and have the ability as a specialist to pull a shit ton of strings. At least I had baited her and she was going to hear me out.

I had an almost monotone sick-of-my-job voice that made her think I was just doing what I had to and so I knew she wasn't really listening. This is a trick I have perfected over the years and it's a great weapon. On the words that I wanted her to hear I would sigh or pretend to cough and tell her it was a cold and i was sorry. that made me seem more human and not like a devil. She would giggle if I would sneeze or my voice would crack and with each passing second I was getting closer and closer. After only about a minute, which is a really long time on the phone if you time it, she asks for more info on something I coughed at. she bit!!!!

The offer was to do basically a buyers remorse settlement. this was an offer from the beginning but the husband kept hanging up so the bill kept going up! She was so excited that after I put her on a fake hold to talk to my fake supervisor about pulling fake extra strings that she paid me right then for the bill that was almost 6 months old. I cut the bill down to less than 7% of the full balance owed. she only paid $21 for her bill of over $300.

Don't hang up! 3 words to remember.......It's not like I'm trying to sell you a vacuum. Only trying to get my money back.

Hello Retards

Here's one I don't get. I call and the person answers only to tell me that they don't answer restricted numbers. I don't restrict it to be sneaky but rather because of our system it is automatically done somewhere higher up than myself.

So I usually ask these people why bother to tell me this. Why answer if you are just going to tell me you won't answer my call then hang up? Are you seriously so shady that you can't answer the phone? How many people are you running from any way? There is to much time on someones hands when they have time to play around like that. Alot of the time these are the people that are out of work and say they are looking for work every day but no one ever calls them back.

I wonder why?

Is it maybe that as soon as the phone is picked up the potential emloyer is greated not with a hello but rather bluntly confronted with a slur of profanity and threats of death? How are these people not smart enough to think that maybe an employer with block the # just to see what kind of person they are. I damn sure wouldn't hire a loud mouth bitch screamin about how she doesn't have any money and to stop calling cause she will find me and kick my ass. How scummy she would look to a possible new boss is almost laughable. Then she would probably hang up and high five her buddies as they all get high on the meth they just cooked. Go team! Right? That was a total win for her.

Oh wait. not so much! LOL!

Another thing that gets me is the answering machines. I agree that it is your phone and do what you please but if you are expecting some potential employment offers it probably shouldn't go like this....

"Hello retards. You know who the fuck you reached and if you don't then don't fucking call me again mother fucker. I'm not available to take your call cause I'm balls deep in this bitches ass. If this is ---(insert collector)--- you can suck my fucking dick. I aint payin you nothing so smoke on that. (laughing). If you are calling in regards to the resumes I have sent out please leave a message and I will call you back. thank you, except for --(collector)--- you fuckers can kiss my ass. "


Just a thought but I think that is probably not going to be a fantastic turn out when he checks his messages from different jobs.

Monday, bloody monday.

I really enjoy my job. I love that even tho it is the same thing over and over and over there are always going to be people who surprise ya. Maybe that's not really the way to word it. I'm not surprised by them so much as entertained for the short time they are on the line with me.

Today there was a woman who was was obviously having a bad day, or maybe she is just a psycho all the time but none the less I entered the call ready to bend over backwards to help her with her bill. I say "help" because in this particular case, if she would have given a little, I would have matched her payment. The call lasted about 3 minutes. below is an over view but not a direct quote cause I was laughing to hard to remember it all....all of this was her screaming!

me: hello is Bla-bla there?
woman: listen her bitch. I have 28 kids in here and you just woke um all up! I told you not to
call me ever again.
me: I'm sorry if I called at a bad time, are you Mrs. bla-bla? last name bla?
woman: didn't you hear me bitch? you a dumb bitch. i said you doe woke all my kids up.
(screaming in background: dumb ho think she know me)you bitch.
me: my name is hubbi-dubbie, and i am trying to reach bla-bla
woman: no it aint. ur name is bitch, bitch.
me: OK
woman: name is bitch
me: mine? or yours? cause that's not who i was calling for. i was calling for bla-bla not so sure you are understanding me.
woman: what you mean I don't understand. I am a professional woman and I done understand u is a bitch. bitch bitch bitch.....
me: excuse me. are you still there??.. u sound like a recording. is there an adult there??
woman: i am an adult you fucking twat.
me: are you sure?
Woman: of course I'm sure. or maybe I'm not
me.:then are you bla bla or is bla bla there?
woman: i don't know bitch. i don't know who i be today what it matter who i am bitch.
me. OK well when you aren't so confused and know who you are or when your care giver gets in, Ill call back. I need to be able to speak to some one coherent. I'm going to say goodbye now and perhaps you should call someone for help since you are so confused. good bye..
woman: wait wait.

CLICK.

it was so funny! this lady was all kinds of trying to piss me off but in the end she was out of control and more angry than if she would have let me help with the bill. oh well. some people..right?

I'm just getting ready to go shopping and as I was writing my list i was reminded of another thing that is soooo crazy to me. Why do you need to spend $200 of credit card money on a bike for your 5 yr old daughter if you can't pay it back cause you don't have a job? In case you think it is cool to not pay for your bills, this is called stealing.

I didn't have to work today so there isn't anything major that I feel the need to get out there. I was just thinking all day about a way to move forward with this blog and my mind kept wandering back to a man I talked to the other day. I made the call and was greeted by silence after about 3 rings. A few seconds passed, I said hello and the man on the other end seemed so angry that he had to answer the phone. If you don't want to answer, don't. Or better yet, don't get a phone at all. Any way, this man proceeds to scream something to the effect of who are you and what do you want. I went right in to the script I an asked to read including my name, where calling from, why calling, and what needs to happen to remedy the issue. The next minute was a blur to me. I tried really hard to figure out what language this man was speaking. I checked the location I called just to make sure it wasn't coded as a Spanish speaking home but I already knew the answer was no. It wasn't Spanish. German? gibberish? no, this guy was speaking some down-home-back-woods-mumble that I actually hear way to much. When he was done screaming at me I asked him if he had already mailed a payment.

Again the yelling.

I have no clue what this guy said so I followed up with a very neutral "pardon"? and it threw him again. I have at this point established a few things about him, this is really important with collecting money from people. You need to be able to read them or their attitudes with in the first few words and reactions to be most effective. He is not in a hurry cause he would have yelled then hung up. He wants to make a point because he is screaming so loud that my head set is breaking out. (This happens when the volume gets to high so it isn't damaging or uncomfortable to the Rep.)

I caught a few "fuck you"s and a couple "cock sucker"s but aside from that all I could understand was that he wasn't paying for his purchases to a local eating establishment and we could kiss his ass. I informed him in a very soothing tone, but not insulting, that I could understand that he is upset about the fees and that with his help I could cut most, if not all, of the fees off if he would agree to a settlement.

This time I understood him. He said, and I quote;

"Wuzz rowng wif ewe? Beech! Done sed I wuz-it gunnu pie ewes coke so-kurs. Ewe treeked a in-da ewesen dat foken theen. I wuz-it gunnu ewese sheet. Don ewe spek angleesh ewe beech?"

I had to mute my phone cause I started laughing so hard I snorted so during the silence he just kept going.

"Hiy. Beech! Ewe leesineeng?? Don ewe spek angleesh??!!"

I regained as much composure as I could and answered with a very calm "yes sir I do speak English."

again with the yelling! Now things are getting fun! Normally people are chicken shits and call me a whore and hang up before I have a chance to "professionally" redeem myself. There was allot of him telling me I didn't know how to speak English and how I needed to go back to India, (I have never been out of America before) and finally about 5 min in to the call I decide I need to get this guy to pay or get off the fucking phone.

"sir. I don't know what language you are speaking but I can't understand you. I apologize for the inconvenience but there are not "angleesh" speaking reps that work here. I wish I could help but I don't think we have a good connection because when I speak, you respond completely off subject. Sir I think you are the one not understanding "ENGLISH"" I say.

He hung up.

This is actually a good thing because now I can move on to bigger fish instead of begging for nothing. I welcome a hang up. I would rather have you hang up than lead me on and lie to me.

My point is; Don't cock a shit attitude with a bill collector unless you intend to let them cock their shit too.

I'm not totally sure how to start this so we are just going to dive in. I am a bill collector. It may suprise you to know that I am a real person and not a devil like so many of you out there seem to think. In my heading I wrote that bill collectors get a bad rap but people that owe the bills don't. Why is that? I could name a thousand reasons. However, I think I will be able to name reasons why it should maybe be the other way around. All thru this blog I will be getting pretty in debth (i hope) to throw my opinions out there. If you have comments, please leave them.